by: Stephanie Gonzalez, CEO & Managing Partner photo by: Jillian Lenser I had a good friend tell me recently “I don’t ever want to hear you apologize again. STOP apologizing. Stop saying sorry! You have nothing to be, or feel, sorry for. Instead of talking about what you are sorry for, what you have not been able to get done, or how you’re going to try harder…speak about what you want to have happen. Speak about what you expect to happen. Start to tell yourself, me and those around you the outcome you desire; what you need, who you need it from and when you need it by.” I am SO lucky to have a friend like this! Seriously, I am! Don’t get me wrong…did it sting like lemon juice on a forgotten paper cut when I first heard it? Of course it did. I am human. BUT, I really appreciate direct, honest, raw and real communication; with an almost child-like joy. I like to surround myself with people and things that solicit candid nitty-gritty feedback (to me, anyone or anything). I love being part of the fight for evolution toward excellence even if I am the temporary target. WHY? Why am I so attracted to hearing seemingly negative aspects of myself? First, who says it’s negative? And, second...how else will I connect to the truth and improve myself? How else will I DO…BE…GET better? For those who routinely practice auditing oneself – by way of journaling, nightly self-reflections or logging behavior to implement modifications – I applaud you! It’s not always easy or fun. Using your own internal dialogue or accountability system can be incredibly effective. As an example, in major league sports it takes awareness, auditing, and analysis to consistently succeed at the highest level. Each team records hundreds of hours of film from practices and games to review. That film – which captures a moment in time – does not lie. It clearly depicts who ran, passed, caught, intercepted and ultimately caused the play to work (or to break down). Professional athletes rely on the review of their own performance on film to adjust, correct and/or affirm their habits that can advance their development and impact from week-to-week. How can we achieve a similar outcome? The film we replay – in our own head – can be an unreliable narrator. Our mind does not always recount or replay ‘the truth’ in the events that took place – to our detriment or to our benefit. We can be biased, in our own favor. Or worse, we can be too critical and lean too far on the side of self-loathing. We can look internally and utilize our mind to reflect but sometimes it can unintentionally refract. Right now, I am in the middle of a growth mode and I need to rely on more than myself (AKA my internal unreliable narrator). Looking internally has been a great first step – but it hasn’t been enough. My internal reflections (my past self) have stymied my ability to express, project and allow my future self to evolve. I am finding that I am in my own way. I am reverting to old patterns and habits that served me well in the past but potentially won’t serve me well in my future. So, I am trying something new. I am starting to take inventory from the outside as well. I am looking to others to help pave my path for a new and different me. Hence the reason why I am so fortunate to have a friend who had the grace, courage and love to tell me to “stop apologizing” for the person I am not. Whether it is family, friends or co-workers…I am working intentionally to listen to them, learn from them and ask more questions. Questions such as: “What’s the one thing I can most help you with?” “What do you most need from me right now?” “What are the top 2-3 things I do best?” “How can I best support you right now?” “What is my greatest value to you?” “When you like me the most – who am I and what am I doing?” “When do you tend to need me the most?” “What is the most challenging (or frustrating) thing about me?” Clearly, some of the questions above may apply to family and friends more than to co-workers. Imagine asking one of these questions to your spouse, son, daughter, sibling, co-worker, best friend or business partner. The result would likely change you and the relationship (for the better) forever. If you truly want to audit yourself and evolve: be brave, be curious and be willing to ask more questions. And, exercise an open mind and heart to best receive the responses. The person who asks the question is always the person who possesses the power. It’s important to reach beyond ourselves and enlist our community (our friends, family and co-workers) to help us uncover the best versions of ourselves.