by: Brian North photo by: Stephanie Ringleb Photography Have you ever made a comment to someone you care about, full of good intent, and received a negative reaction? Have you ever been the person who reacted negatively? I’m guilty of the quick sharp response, and I have definitely been the recipient and it does not feel good. I’m working to find the root of why this happens. I feel like there is so much misunderstanding in this world, and the culprit seems to be assumptions. So, if I am assuming, and that is the culprit to breakdown, then what is the opportunity? How do I not assume? The answer for me has come far more simply than I previously thought, and it is simply asking for clarity. Notice, that I used the word “simple.” I did not use the word “easy.” The first step to not reacting has been to be a witness to my feelings. When the comment is made, and the irritated feeling shows up, I just have to sit with it for a second and ask, “did they do something to me, or is this a product of something else (stress, fear, frustration, anger, or resentment most likely from a prior experience)? The second step, once I’m honest with myself is to ask a question – in other words, to remain curious. “What exactly did you mean by that?” “Can you please explain a little further?” “Did I understand you correctly when you said…?” The next step is to listen, not to respond. Remember I said simple, not often easy. Listen to the tone, feel the body language, and if it still feels not okay, remain curious even still. What I am finding is that my assumptions are not only that (assumptions), but have often created bigger problems where problems not only didn’t exist, but love, acceptance, protection, and the like were there waiting for me if I could’ve/would've been willing to ask a simple question or two. I had a deep conversation with my aunt last night about religion. The conversation often landed on what felt righteous and judgmental from her to me. It feels as if the bulk of our conversations and her positions left me feeling like the answer was found for her in what was “right or wrong.” I was genuinely open to her perspectives, asking a lot of curious questions to gather more of her wisdom, yet I still felt challenged at times. I applied my method above and ultimately found out, as she began to tear up, that she simply wanted me to be safe. With all of her mind, body, and soul, she just wanted me to be safe. I couldn’t help but lean in and give her a giant hug, way longer than 8 seconds for those of you who know the power of an eight-second hug. As I continue to hone this commitment to asking clarifying questions, I am finding myself in the line of a more meaningful connection. I am confident that if we can apply this concept to all conversations in real estate, business, relationships, politics, and more we would find out we are speaking in a more mindful position than we are assuming at the moment. Take a moment to witness your feelings, ask a clarifying question, listen to listen, and move toward. With this simple concept, we can come together (no matter which side of the fence) and really make a difference small and big.